husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

Its not a geographic nexus of evil or on a Hellmouth or anything, cmon! We all had a blast. Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. Its stupid of me, I know. Right? Its so odd that he seems so fixated on Vegas (which can be perfectly harmless, I went there many times as a small child and turned out just fine). Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. They just find more things to get worried about. But it was a pain in the ass to get there, I felt super unsafe walking around at night (as in, someone else from the conference actually got muggedthere were few street lights and the streets were deserted after dark), and the food sucked. He even did it the one time I was staying *in a convent*. My husband wants to bring his mother on our European vacation. Businesses plan conferences in Las Vegas because the rooms are dirt cheap, not because theyre planning some sort of raucous party. That said, in order to see them, we either have to travel to see them or they have to travel to see us. I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). That was one reason I had to STOP watching so much Law N Order / Criminal Minds / CSI / whatever. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. My bf and I traveled for work constantly. At some level, I doubt he even realizes at this point whats going on. Vegas does business trips right. 33 answers. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. If an employee told me that she wasnt able to go, that would result in me having a conversation about expectations and this is not unreasonable. Sounds great. Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? Good luck and enjoy the trip. Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? He called to tell me he won a bunch of money at Black Jack and was getting free drinks. Yeah Im kind of surprised people are acting like theyve never heard anything bad about Vegas. Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. Or they have jobs that dont require business travel. It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. You know, because theyd been there for the last year and had witnessed all of it and hadnt just heard his side of the story through his rose-tinted glasses. Ah, sorry, didnt say they were the only two choices! Best of luck to you. Except I divorced mine. All of us can comment all we want about how innocuous this trip is, and how much of an overreaction this is, but it doesnt change the facts from where youre sitting. Go. In fact, were you inclined to cheat, you might be more likely to do so in a boring place where theres much less to do (j/k, kinda). Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. OH MY GOD your husband makes me so pissed. You dont deserve to be treated that way. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. Might need to go back. We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. its really funny, because Vegas has lately been billed as a great place to go for a family vacation! Did I stand out? Anxiety is also a real possibility and I hate how offhandedly its been dismissed in most comments. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. Actually the cigarette smoke present in many buildings is the biggest turn off for me about Vegas. Oh thats my mothers thing, too. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. It is not normal or rational. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. Thats exactly what Im doing right now too and it will be so much better when I dont have to justify the work trip to my husband and I dont have to pander to his unfounded insecurities. Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. My husband usually goes on an annual drinking trip with his buddies (they all go to a particular beer festival in a nearby city). The hotel was phenomenal, though! I have no idea. I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. To the letter writer, if your husband walked into a therapists office with Anonymous Posters comment and said, Thats what I want, the therapist would either be able to teach him that skill or refer him to someone who can. The timelines even fit perfectly. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. Its OK to not be 100% available to handle his feelings 100% of the time! If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. Yes, but trailer park crimes are good, upstanding crimes like cooking meth and domestic violence, and obviously those crimes are less dangerous to bystanders than being attacked by a sex criminal just for walking down the street. Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. You can also rent a ballroom or a conference hall for insanely cheap. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. I thought I was the problem, and he was kind and honorable and funny and thoughtful. Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. Its crazy how often this happens. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . Well, they need to work on their relationship. Sometimes they go on a similar trip for birthdays etc. I have serious issues with anxiety and I read it the same way. I didnt have to take many work trips, being a teacher, but I did occasionally go to educational seminars. Right!? Exactly. And absolutely do not let his anxiety limit your life. What do you think?. Projecting your particular set of issues on to everyone else really is not helpful. Period. I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes. Counseling perhaps. Hes a control freak who will beg, lie and manipulate every situation to get his way. Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. Its like Captain Awkward says no matter why youre standing on my foot, you need to stop standing on my foot. I actually took my husband with me once and he went off on his own while I worked all day. I know right? Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. They might feel left out or unimportant. This isnt normal, as you say, and a good husband will support you as you travel. Be very very wary of ever harming your career or earning potential because of the desires of another person. If my partner acted like he thought he got a vote on whether I was allowed to do things, especially things relating to my career, Id laugh him out of the relationship so fast hed get whiplash. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. My spouse travels for work all the time. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. And dirt cheap which I am guessing is why so many business conferences are set at that location. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. When all youre seeing is airports, shuttle buses, the hotel, and a conference room, everything kind of looks the same. Thats a bright, flashing red sign. I asked three people: Me, myself, and I. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. At such time as we see abuse brought up as gratuitously as anxiety is, you might just have a point. Yeah Im trying to tell myself this kind of misconception is the kindest possible explanation. I read letters like this, and I realize how fortunate both my husband and I are, because its got to be miserable to live with this level of mistrust and anxiety. It mostly makes me question his survey methods, which I assume involved leading questions like, would you let your wife go to a naked business orgy in Las Vegas?. As a non-gambler I found Las Vegas boring as hell. 1. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. i went away for a few days for work, but had some cool stories to come home with. Scheduled calls are a great idea. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party.. Yes, this. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. (I lost 30 pounds not eating while she was away, and we both shed lots of tears at TSA seeing her off) Now, new project, wife just did 12 days in Portland just saw her off for 3 days planning there for another two week project there. Agree counseling would be a good place to start. let has no part of a marriage unless it deeply affects the partner and then people need to work on it together. I would not be surprised if those are who his friends are. You can easily avoid all the sinful things to do in Vegas, if you want to. Im good at what I do and I dont want to be made to feel bad because of it. This is truly bizarre and worrying behavior on the husbands part. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. This is a great comment. By letting him chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with male colleagues, in public, etc. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) Everyone thinks youre wrong.. Im going to disagree with your last sentence. And its great he enjoys the time alone, we get to talk about interesting stuff weve both done when I get back, we both get time to decompress in ways which benefit us the most. Youre in a room all day, you still have to get up and WORK the next morning I go to one every year, and my butt is in bed at 10pm. Who thinks its normal to ask around if he should let his wife go on a business trip, etc. She acted like she wasnt married. Im really not interested in goingI dont gamble, I dont care for tourist attractions, etc. You sound like a real piece of work. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. Shes very, very conservative Christian, as is her husband. Seriously. That is the problem. Menu. Can you cut it out, or find someone else to talk to about your worry?. I dont know any sex workers and it certainly would not be for me, but Im not going to clutch my pearls and start labeling other people,s choices as unwholesome and I have a big eye roll for people who do. Yes, we fly in on Monday and are out by Friday. BTW, I hate the what happens in Vegas slogan and commercials as someone who did have a relationship end because of my partners infidelity, its not something that I find funny or amusing, and I cant imagine Im alone in that. Yes, its off the strip, but my room was GIGANTIC. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. Actually, prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas and gambling is legal in a Million places in the United States. $60/night + $30/night resort fee, and $30 worth of groceries for the week kept me out of the pricey restaurants. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? What if the wife had a job that required lots of travel, but paid well and allowed them to live a good lifestyle. And people are all I wouldnt let my wife go we have done bigger problems here. Because a healthy, loving partner does not do this. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. He easily sleeps 4 hours. She should get out while she can, even if she has children. Whats wrong with disembark? Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. No. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). Agreed. The first time I visited Scotland (as an undergrad) I was on a school trip and we went to Orkney, in the far north. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. OP, I have a few questions: do you travel overnight to other places for your work? For the more immediate concerns, maybe you could also suggest scheduling a phone call every night or something to help put his mind at ease, and that yall meet with a counselor to help work through his concerns.